Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
