you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we made out on top of his cat.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
