So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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