Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
