I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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