Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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