On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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