I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
