tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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