You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
