I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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