Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
