If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
