"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
