You just made me feel so damn special
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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