I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
