I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
