you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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