I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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