I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
