im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it glows. i had to have it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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