Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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