Heybabeimwearingurpanties
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
