Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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