OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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