i already hear my dad disowning me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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