a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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