You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
