um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
