Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
