Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
