Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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