so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
