I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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