Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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