WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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