It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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