there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
