Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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