It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
