somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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