The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
