dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
