I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
