By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
