Small penises have feelings too.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
