It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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