i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
