you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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