I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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