how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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