Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
