I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
