Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
