you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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