These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
