So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
