dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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