Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
