i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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