so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
