And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You left your phone here
Wait...
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