Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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